The Steer Who Judged the Judge
At the county fair my steer Brisket sat down on the judge's clipboard and earned the only ribbon the fair ever gave for manners.
Every county fair has a moment everybody tells about for years. Ours came on a Saturday in September at the fairgrounds just outside Stillwater, in the beef barn, in front of two hundred people and a very serious judge named Mr. Hollis, who had been judging steers since before I could sit a horse.
My steer's name was Brisket, which my daughter thought was funny and which the fair board did not. He was a calm animal, good-natured and slow, and I had spent the summer walking him around the lot until he would follow me like a dog. I thought we were ready for anything. I had not prepared for a clipboard.
Mr. Hollis put his clipboard down on a hay bale to check Brisket's topline. Brisket looked at the clipboard. Then, with the kind of dignity only a half-ton animal can bring to a small decision, he lowered his hindquarters and sat down on it. The whole barn went quiet. I held the halter. Mr. Hollis looked at the steer, looked at the clipboard, and slowly said, 'Well, I suppose that is a review.'
Nobody moved for what felt like a full minute. Then the crowd started laughing and the laughing rolled around the whole barn like a wave, and even the other steers turned their heads. Mr. Hollis cleared his throat, retrieved what was left of the clipboard, wrote a few words on a fresh sheet and handed me a ribbon. It said 'Best Behaved Under Review,' in his own handwriting.
I keep that ribbon next to my cattle photos from fair and rodeo season, and I show it to every young exhibitor who comes through. Brisket got old and fat and famous in the county, and Mr. Hollis made a habit of keeping a spare clipboard in his truck. When someone asks on farm.FM how to prepare a calf for the show ring, I say walk him daily, brush him often, and never leave your paperwork on a bale.
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